The Grove Is On Fire

Three Sorts Of Events And Two Sorts Of Plugs

There are three ways an event aimed at youth workers can go to make it worthwhile for me to attend.

The first and best way is when someone clearly preaches the gospel to me as a youth worker so that my heart rejoices in Jesus Christ and I cry out for his help in my ministry and I leave knowing I fight for these young people on the side of a risen conquering King.

The second event aims to make me think "Oh, I haven't thought of that, that might be something that is worth trying". These events can be a bit hit or miss because often people want to offer the one idea they have to present as the magic bullet that'll solve your youth work ills¹. Also they can leave me wracked in guilt (yes, I know I should be working more with their parents).

The third event makes me angry. Someone stands up and says something that is against the Gospel. Martin Luther once said I never work better than when I am inspired by anger; for when I am angry, I can write, pray, and preach well, for then my whole temperament is quickened, my understanding sharpened, and all mundane vexations and temptations depart. Sometimes getting righteously pissed off is the quickest way to articulate your beliefs clearly, even if it means realising you're wrong when you calm down. That said, you don't have to go out of you way to find things to be angry about, nor is it a lot of fun to sit through an event just to be angry for a while. Also, you need to have a good pub and a good friend to go to afterwards to rant and wind down.

With those three things outlined, I'll point you at two events coming up. The first is the Bible Centred Youth Worker Conference 2011 (pdf). I've heard some talks here that have warmed my heart like no other, and also have had some decent ideas and some pretty narked anger. The other event is the Youth Work Summit which due to it's nature of lots of speakers for short periods of time promises to have something of everything in there. It'd be great to see people who read this website at one or both of them, and presumably as people are going out for beer and dinner afterwards, I'll buy you a pint (or the equivalent amount of pork scratchings) if you come up to me and say hello. In London that's worth a lot, it's like a £3.20 discount off your ticket, but seeing as your church or charity should be paying for you to attend it's more like your church or charity is buying you beer. And how often does that happen?

¹ To fully mix the metaphors, presumably it'll solve your ills by shooting them in the head. That'll teach that disruptive teenager a lesson.

3 Questions on Productivity

So much of my day seems to be spent wrestling with how to get the things I think I should be wrestling with done. A large part of winning that battle is realising there are better things to be wrestling with. In that regards the last question of this article (particularly the first part) is a killer.

(via)

Yet More Anti-Social Behaviours

While there are valid concerns raised in this article about effectively policing neighbourhoods the underlying assumption that anti-social behaviour is a crime makes them all fairly useless. I've already posted my concerns about being criminalised if we make anti-social behaviour illegal, but I've since thought of some more ways I could be locked up.

• Repeatedly pressing the spring button on my pen while having a conversation with someone.
• Not accepting everyone's friend request on Facebook.
• Standing up to make tea in the middle of a discussion over dinner.
• Frequently eating lunch at my desk on my own.
• Going to the cinema on my own.
• Not responding to text messages immediately.
• Forgetting to go to the toilet before church so immediately going right after the service and so not speaking to someone straight away.

Always Get To The Gospel

Why you've always got to get to the gospel (video).

If the whole point of scripture is jesus then ultimately you're going to get to salvation through the cross and the empty tomb at some point.

(Also, bonus points because they mention youth ministry.)

The Reason For God Trailer

If you want to see the trailer for the DVD adaption of Tim Keller's Reason For God, it's online here.

Drop Your Numbers by 99%

Feeling overwhelmed a the start of the year?

Once again though, God points out that it's not about us, it's about Him. He can accomplish whatever He wants through whoever He wants. He's not dependent on our strength. I could always use that reminder.

Half-Baked Ideas For The Youthwork Summit

The people in charge of the Youthwork Summit are after half-baked ideas (Facebook login required) for the summit, where presumably you stand on stage, lob out your idea and watch it explode into life through the shrapnel of feedback from other youth workers. My half-baked idea of pushing metaphors all the way is probably not going to win much acceptance.

Good Pastors Don't Let You Off the Hook

TV's Barry Cooper guest blogs about his ordinary pastor at the Gospel Coalition, who are doing a neat-o series on the pastors in people's lives who haven't had the glamorous speaking and teaching gigs.

Syncing Multiple Google Calendars on an iPhone

In a "this is for me saved for the future when I'll blatantly need it again because so far I've needed it every six months" style link, here is how to sync multiple Google Calendars on one account on an iPhone without being trapped in the "please sign in" loop of death.

Breaking News: God To Reveal He's Not Sure He Believes In Himself

Publishing houses—and the very fabric of the universe—have been shook today by the revelation that the Almighty God may have started to doubt Himself. The Lord God Almighty, who's continual existence maintains of all creation, is rumoured to be on the verge of finalising his second complete book since his Magnus Opus the Bible and early reports indicate that God will use it to confess His self doubt.

Self-styled prophet and spokesperson of the Lord Hananiah Azzurson who is acting as a liaison between the Lord God Almighty and the world's major publishing houses claimed today that God's new book would shock readers the world over. "He's very candid in it." said Azzurson. "Ever since this new wave of atheism started He's struggled to believe in his own existence. Dawkins' latest works have really challenged His belief in Himself. The last time I spoke to Him he was just sitting there unleashing a colossal storm upon the mountains of Colorado. He didn't say much, other than the words that spoke the rain into thunderous hailstones."

It can only be assumed that the Father of all creation who dwells in light inaccessible is particularly troubled over Dawkins demonstration that life could have come into existence and evolve without the need for a creator God. "If someone comes in with that level of critique about your ability to do the job and indeed exist it can be hard to take it objectively" notes psychologist Larry Larrenson "God's probably feeling a bit unsure of Himself right now. Hopefully He'll put through it, for the sake of the perpetuation of the universe."

The problem isn't just affecting God the Father; reports indicate that God the Son and God the Holy Spirit have started questioning themselves and each other over doubts. "While Jesus was seated at the right hand of the Father interceding for the saints and holding together all of creation, He and the Spirit had a very long chat about how they could be three persons and yet also one God." Said Azzurson. "It's hard to tell how long they spoke for due to the weight of the glory of their presence that filled the eternal throne room, but it seemed like a while."

At time of writing the LORD God Almighty was still ruling the heavens and the earth with his mighty right hand.

David Foster Wallace

Fascinating quote from Athiest David Foster Wallace.

"Because here's something else that's true. In the day-to-day trenches of adult life, there is no such thing as atheism. There is no such thing as not worshipping. Everybody worships. The only choice we get is what to worship. And an outstanding reason for choosing some sort of god or spiritual type thing to worship... is that pretty much anything else you worship will eat you alive."

There's much more after the link.

(via)

Switching Back To an NIV

The first bible I regularly carried around with me was a compact hardback New International Version. It had no maps and no concordance, but it did have about sixteen full colour glossy photos of modern Bible story locations interspersed in the text. It lived mostly in my school bag and it soon started to fall apart. Hardbacks are not good for carrying around. It got wet on a Duke of Edinburgh award expedition in the hills of mid-Wales and the pages never turned quite right since then. It didn't really get retired till I decided that having a bible with all its colour photos carefully annotated with stick figure Jesus'—a legacy of lending it to a friend in a sixth form free period— was probably unhelpful in a 11-13's bible study.

The next bible I used was a black hardback thinline New American Standard Bible that annoyingly had no design on the front or back, after a few months of opening it upside down someone kindly made me a sticker that said "Holy Bible" on it. When I started using this bible I was fully persuaded of the superiority of formal equivalence as a translation method. Regular use of an NASB should soon make you realise that formal equivalence is only useful if the text is comprehendible. It took me four years and the binding falling away at the spine before I accepted this fact.

Just as I moved to London I picked up a Bible in the perfect format, a thinline compact black faux leather ESV and with the help of gaffer tape I've been using it for the last four years. The gaffer tape is a bit unneccesary though, I temporarily lost my ESV about two years ago and panicked so ordered two more identical ones off the internet. The format is bang on perfect for a back-pocket, and I was not going to let them go out of stock. One of those two has had varied use; when I've mislaid the original or when the wife has wanted us of it. The other sits on the bookshelf pristine, barely out of it's Amazon cardboard waiting for its call.

And then last week I went online and ordered a leather bound pocket NIV to replace it. It'll be waiting a long time now. Why switch back now after eight years away from the NIV? There are a few factors playing into it but essentially it comes down to this; have you ever tried to read an ESV out loud? Not in the privacy of your room or during a talk when you've had time to wrestle with the text before hand, but over coffee with someone or when you've flicked to the passage in response to a question in a small group or during a talk when you're winging it¹. It's horrible. For a start all copies should come with an oxygen pack to help you regain your breath after one of those string on sentences that the ESV seems to adore. I don't know what you'd do if you're one of those people who's voice gets higher towards the end of the sentence. Start taking singing lessons? Helium?

And you, who once were alienated and hostile in mind, doing evil deeds, he has now reconciled in his body of flesh by his death, in order to present you holy and blameless and above reproach before him, if indeed you continue in the faith, stable and steadfast, not shifting from the hope of the gospel that you heard, which has been proclaimed in all creation under heaven, and of which I, Paul, became a minister. (Colossians 1:21-23, try saying that after you've been for a run.)

And then there's the tendency to use words that Shakespeare invented, the Victorians abused, and the 20th century gave up for loss. For everyone who does wicked things hates the light and does not come to the light, lest his works should be exposed. (John 3:20) Lest? Really? What's wrong with "in case"? And while we're at "st" words, midst isn't that great a word either unless you're writing the script for Off With His Head; a five part BBC drama production about Oliver Cromwell.

And then, then there is the thing they do where to keep the word order or the conjugation or declension of the original text they resort to some wonderfully bizarre constructions: But you, O LORD, are a shield about me, my glory, and the lifter of my head. (Psalm 3:3) Understandably the NIV renders this as [you] lift up my head.

At times the ESV feels less of a translation into English and more a Greek and Hebrew text dressed up as a Englishman desperately trying to pretend he is from around here because he must be because he supports Tottenham and he saw the Oasis at the Wembley and he doesn't even grimace while eating pork scratchings². Maybe I'd be happier with it if I was smarter, or knew Greek or Hebrew, or used it primarily with students, but I don't, and as a translation I shouldn't have to worry about translating it again when I'm reading it to people to make sure they can follow it. I read out large chunks of 1 Samuel 3 today to someone from the NIV and I didn't have to translate down any of it into understandable English. It was brilliant. Don't get me wrong, the ESV is brilliant for deep study into the text and a great resource but it's fairly abominable for my day to day use.

¹ There is a thin-line between extemporary preaching and winging it, alas I am much familiar with it.

² The standard criticism of John Owen's writing was that he thought in Latin and so wrote his English in Latin. His sentence constructs where Latin not English. There's a similar thing going on with the ESV. While it may have the appearance of English, I'm not quite sure it is.

Addressing 'Mutant' Christianity in our Youth

You probably saw the CNN article kicking around the internet about teens becoming fake Christians. If you haven't, it's worth the read through. Whatever you think of Kenda Creasy Dean, she's right in her research. Josh Cousineau probably has the best of many responses to it.

How To Find a Shower At Soul Survivor

Mighty works of God aside, every year at Soul Survivor a vitally important question comes up, but seeing as I can't tell you how to get her number (and let's face it, that would be a mighty work of God) I'll settle for answering another top question; how on earth do you get a warm reliable shower without queueing at Soul Survivor? Because the campsite changes a bit each year, and because different showers are good at different times of the day there is no hard and fast answer to this question, but below are the rules to keep to if you ever want to get a decent shower on site (and don't have your own en suite).

RULE 1: Don't have a shower on the morning of day 2. Yes, I know you feel icky after camping, yes I know you woke up at 6.30 and couldn't go back to sleep because you were in a tent, and yes I know that you want your hair to look its best for the first day, but so does everyone else. Every shower on site is busy by 7.00 on day 2 and will stay busy till 11. Even when you do get a shower it'll be in a messy state, the water'll be cold, and the pressure will be low because everyone else is using it at the same time. Have a shower on the evening of Day 1 if you can't go 24 hours without showering.

RULE 2: Don't have a shower on the morning of day 3, 4, or 5. While better than the morning of day 2, all morning showers are busy. Instead, embrace three o'clock showers. You don't have to go to every seminar. Heck, you shouldn't as you won't get a chance to process any of it, so at some point before 4.30, have a shower. You'll find the water pressure higher and the temperature great.

RULE 3: Use hardstanding showers. Certain showers are built units that exist year round. These showers are properly plumbed in. The water is reliable, warm, and with decent pressure. These are your best bets. Sometimes you get hired-in power shower units installed next to these blocks. Sometimes these can be better as they have the solid water supply of the hardstanding units, but also more modern heaters and pressure systems. Only sometimes though.

RULE 4: Use the showers nearer to the centre of site. You know what they use the centre of the Royal Bath and West Showground for for the rest of the year? Farmyard type shows. And you know what farmyard shows in the centre of the site need? Loads of water to wash down the animals and all the effluence they leave behind. You know what they use the outskirts of the Royal Bath and West Showground for for the rest of the year? Car parking. And you know what car parking on the outskirts of site needs? Some flat bit of grass. The water pressure is much much higher in the centre of site than it is in the rest of the site. Generally speaking the further up you go, and the further away from the centre you go, the lower the pressure drops. It pays to walk down the hills to the showers.

RULE 5: Use showers where there are less people camped. Obvious this, but clearly the showers bordering Red and Orange, and the shower block in Silver are going to be a lot busier than the showers in the centre of site where no-one is camped. Momentum delegates can get extra points here by using the showers in half empty villages (the ones up the top of Purple and Brown and the ones between Blue 7 and 8 are pretty good for this).

RULE 6: Check when the showers are cleaned. Normally the showers are cleaned once a day, twice in the case of the hard-standing ones. They often post the times on the door when the shower will be shut (though I didn't see any signs this year). If you can time your shower to be just after they've been cleaned, all the better. Though bear in mind if you're queueing while the showers are being cleaned, so are other people, and the more people having a shower at once, the worse the pressure is.

So, all that said, which showers are generally the best? Probably, on balance, the hardstanding ones between Boogies, Café Uno, and the Sports field. They can get pretty dirty in the day, but they're the most consistent (generally) for temperature and queues and water pressure. Bring flip-flops though. Other good ones are the power showers situated between Gigs and Yellow 2, and the hardstanding block of showers on Orange 3 by the main gate. Also, it seems every year there is randomly one power shower block that is much better than the rest. This is never the block up on Pink or Silver though.

ASSOCIATED FACT: There are secret showers on site that are not available to the general delegates. Sucks to be you here, but there are a few units of hard standing showers in some of the main buildings that while not very modern or up to date, do always give consistently warm and relatively powerful showers. They also rarely have a queue. They are not though, the holy grail of all showers. The holy grail of all showers are the ones found in the little portable accommodation blocks you've seen dropped down on site, called Bunkabins. They are shared between two people and generally are hot and have a high water pressure. If you're busy enough on site to get one of these, or are lucky enough to be friends with someone who has one and will share the shower, you are a fortunate person. But even then the same rules apply, the ones placed nearer the centre of site are more powerful than the ones placed far away. Alas, the holy grail of these showers-the holy grail of holy grails if you like-does not exist any more. At one point, before fire regulations prevented it, there were a series of Bunkabins placed between what was last year Mr Boogies and Gigs. This is the area they normally use for washing down animals. It has more water pressure than the Hoover Dam. You had to stop these showers every five minutes and just stand and relax in the steam for a while to let them drain because too much water was pouring into them. They are sadly missed.